


Attack Of The Killer Peeps XI – Mutant Melrose Place

by Nadja_Lee



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Breaking the Fourth Wall, F/M, M/M, Multi, Romance, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-11-03
Updated: 2001-11-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:14:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22892314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: Love is in the air…actually it's everywhere.
Relationships: Everyone/Everyone
Kudos: 1





	Attack Of The Killer Peeps XI – Mutant Melrose Place

**Author's Note:**

> Universe: The Peeps universe of course  
> Part of Terri's Peeps series but can easily be read as is.  
> Dedicated to Sorcieré for being such a great help. Thanks lov'!
> 
> Author's Notes:
> 
> And all the pairings mentioned have appeared at least once in either the comics (Ultimate, Canon, AoA (Erik/Rogue etc), cartoon (Evolution), the movie or in fan fic.
> 
> The fan fic pairings were taken from fics by Jemisard, Sequoia, Karen, Sorcieré, Julianna Hawk, Terri Berri, Bani (always close in thought and heart, lov), me and lots of others.
> 
> This is meant as a tribute to those fine authors and their talents and writing abilities.

**Attack Of The Killer Peeps XI – Mutant Melrose Place**

At the mansion:

It was a sunny day and Scott was on his way to breakfast. Suddenly Ororo came running past him.

"Ororo?" Scott looked stunned after her.

"How many times do I have to tell her? We're *not* lovers!" Ororo yelled over her shoulder and hurried into her room and locked the door.

"I love you!" Jean yelled and Scott turned with a smile on his lips towards her.

"Why, I love you too, sweetheart," he said softly and reached for her but she ran past him and reached Ororo's door.

"Ororo. Please, open the door. I love you. How can you forget the time we made love in the…" Jean began.

"I'm going to breakfast," Scott interrupted and all but ran down the stairs and reached the safely of the kitchen. Were Ororo and Jean playing some kind of trick on him or what was happening here?

"'Morning," Scott said politely to Kitty and Jubilee.

"'Morning," they choired and Scott sat down beside them.

"I'm telling you, she loves Logan," Kitty said and continued the discussion Scott had interrupted.

"No, she loves Remy," Jubilee protested.  
"What are we discussing?" Scott asked mystified.

"Who Rogue loves," Kitty answered.

"But…she loves neither of them. She loves Magneto. In fact they have a son named Charles," Scott said, truly puzzled. Both Kitty and Jubilee looked at him like he had lost his head.

"Ah, what do you know?" Jubilee snorted and the discussion continued.

Scott ate in silence for a while until the girls' more or less absurd arguments for one man or another was too much for him.

"Look, Rogue can't love either of them. It was supposed to be a secret but in fact she's in love with me. I'll never forget the trip we took together, how I told her all about my past and I had peanut butter and…"

"Please! Everyone knows Rogue loves me," Jean suddenly said as she entered the room.

"But I thought you loved Ororo," Scott protested.

"Slight misunderstanding."

"Remy can obviously not love Rogue for he loves me," Ororo said as she too entered the kitchen and sat down besides Scott.

"'Ro…so good to see you, my friend. Now, what is going on here?" Scott asked confused and gave her hand a friendly squeeze.

"There's something I have to tell you, Scott. I'm pregnant," Ororo admitted.  
"That's wonderful. Wait…. With me?" Scott asked shocked.

"Of course with you, silly man. Let's get married," Ororo said and kissed him on the lips.

"Hey, wait a minute! You're married to me!" Jean protested but got no reply. "No, wait. I'm married to Xavier who's a Senator and…no, I'm married to Warren. No, to Logan. No…Just who the Hell am I married to?" Jean asked confused.

"You can't be married to Logan, that's for sure," Kitty said.

"And why not?"

"Because I'm, married to him. And I'm carrying his child," Kitty rubbed her stomach lovingly.

"What?! But he told me he loved me," Jean wailed.

"He loves neither of you. He loves me," Jubilee said with a smile.

"Kitty, how could you?! I thought you loved me," Peter said sadly, tears in his eyes.

"Where did you come from?" Kitty asked confused. "Aren't you dead?"  
"Apparently not. Now is this true? Are you carrying Logan's child?" Peter demanded to know.

"Have you been with Rogue?" Kitty gave back. Peter thought for a while.

"Just once," Peter insisted.

"Children!" Xavier broke in as he entered the kitchen and all went silent. "Can we get back to the important thing here?"  
"Protecting a world which fears and hates us from evil mutants who just plain hates us?" Scott asked.

"No! Me!" Xavier proclaimed. Jean ran to him and kissed him.

"Charles! I love you!" Jean said and tried to kiss him again but he pushed her away.

"Have you gone mad, woman? I don't love you."

"Then whom do you love?" she asked sadly.

"Scott. I love Scott. Come to me," Xavier demanded and reached for Scott.

"No way! Get away from me," Scott demanded and ran from him as Xavier chased him around the dinner table.

"What is happening here?" Magneto demanded to know as he, Raven and Victor entered the kitchen.  
"Can you wait just two seconds? I just need to get away from Xavier here and then I'll be ready to kick your asses," Scott said and kept running around the table as Magneto was blocking the door.

"Charles! What are you doing?" Magneto demanded to know.

"I'm trying to catch the man I love," Xavier answered and got a hold of Scott's trousers but he got away. "Damn!" he swore.

"You don't love him. You love me!" Magneto thundered. Xavier stopped his pursuit of Scott who was more than happy for a break.

"Oh, yeah. I do. Come to me, my love," Charles asked and Magneto came to him and kissed him deeply.

"Hey! Stop that," Ororo demanded and separated the two men.

"What are you doing?" Xavier demanded to know.

"How dare you?" Ororo said furiously and slapped him in the face.

"Hey. Leave my man alone," Magneto protested.

"Your man?! He's my man! I love him," Ororo proclaimed.

"How can you say that, Silver Top? After all we've had together," Victor demanded to know and to prove his point he tipped her over and kissed her hard on the lips.

"Oh, well…. where were we?" Magneto asked.

"We were about to do this," Xavier said with a smile and drew him close and into a kiss.

"Hey, Victor. What do you think you're doing? You're *my* man," Raven said furiously and went towards Ororo and Victor. They ignored her and Victor lifted Ororo up on the kitchen table.

"Hey, we eat there!" Jubilee protested.

"Raven, maybe you should…" Scott began.

"Scott…oh, Scott. I love you," Raven suddenly said and pulled him into a kiss.

"What?!" Scott asked confused before Raven silenced him efficiently.

"What in the world is going on here?" Bobby asked as he entered the very strange scene in the kitchen.

"I don't know but that seems like a good idea," St. John said and pointed towards Victor and Ororo.

"What do you…" Bobby began but anything else he wanted to say was cut off as John kissed him.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Bobby protested as he drew back.

"What do you mean? We're dating. Why shouldn't I kiss you?"

"I'm *not* dating you," Bobby protested.

"Then who are you dating?" John asked and decided to play along.

"Rogue. We're going to get married."

"How can you say that, homme? You're breaking Gambit's heart," Remy protested as he entered the kitchen.

"Remy! Thank God you're here. Maybe you can tell me what's going on here?" Scott said, as he had finally gotten free from Raven.

"Get back here, Lover Boy," Raven called and ran after him.

"Cyke. Gambit has missed you so," Remy said seductively.

"What…" Scott backed a little away from Remy but Raven was coming from the other side.

"Gambit loves you, Cyke," Remy proclaimed and reached for him.

"Help," Scott gulped and ran around the table again trying to find a way to escape.

"Get off me," Ororo suddenly demanded and threw Victor off of her.

"What is wrong with you?" Victor asked.

"I just realised that I don't love you. I love Logan. I have to go find him," Ororo went towards the door.

" Hey. Logan can't love you. He loves me!" Victor protested and ran after her.

"He doesn't love either of you. I know for a fact that Logan and Scott have been sleeping together for years," St. John said as kindly as possible.

"What?! Just who hasn't fucked me?" Scott protested before Remy and Raven got too close to catching him so he had to run on, taking yet another round around the table.

"That's not true! It can't be. I'm…I'm carrying his child," Ororo cried.

"I thought you said it was mine," Scott yelled after her.

"It is…. wait a minute. It *is* your child. Scott, beloved, kiss me," Ororo demanded and joined Remy and Raven in their pursuit of him.

"When do I learn to shut up?!" Scott mumbled as he kept running around the kitchen table.

"I can't believe they can be that stupid. Well, at least I know whom I love. I love you," Jubilee said and kissed Kitty.

"Stop that. I'm not that kind of a girl," Kitty protested.

"No, she isn't," Peter added in. Jubilee looked thoughtful.

"Then who do I love? Oh, yes. Gambit. Remy, stop chasing Scott. It's me you want," Jubilee said and ran after Remy.

"Sorry, chere but Gambit loves Cyke. That's that," Remy said and tried to get a hold of Scott who managed to escape in the nick of time.

"Oh….Now, I know. I don't love Gambit..." Jubilee began.

"Thank God. Someone has finally seen reason," Scott said happily.

"I love you, Scott. Come to me," she said and joined Raven, Ororo and Remy in their pursuit of Scott.

"And we're back to square one," Scott mumbled and ran on.

"Rogue? You're in love with Rogue?" John demanded of Bobby.

"Yes…. no, wait….I'm in love with Jubilee."  
"Dream on!" Jubilee yelled after him.

"See? You belong to me," St. John said happily.

"Now I know! I'm in love with Scott," Bobby said and ran after Scott.

"I know I said I wanted to be more loved, God, but this is ridiculous," Scott complained to the Heavens.

"How could he do that?" St. John said sadly.

"Is this where the party is?" Toad suddenly appeared and asked.

"I guess," St. John said miserably.

"Oh, the Weather Witch. Beloved, your man's here," Toad said and ran towards Storm.

"Stay away from me or I'll fry you again," Ororo warned.

"You're no fun. Scotty boy, let us have some fun instead," Toad suggested and ran after him. Scott turned his eyes to the Heavens.

"You've GOT to be kidding?!"

"Great. Everyone gets some but me, " St. John mumbled. "Hey, maybe I can find Rogue? She loves me."  
"Forget Rogue, John," Cecilia Reyes suddenly walked through the door and said before she laid her arms around him and kissed him deeply.

"Rogue who?" John asked happily as they separated for breath before their lips met again.

"Now I know whom I love," Jean suddenly said, having been trying to figure it out for all this time.

"Finally. Dearest, do something about this, will you? I'm getting exhausted," Scott asked.

"I love Remy," Jean proclaimed and ran after Remy.

"What?!" Scott asked shocked.

"Sorry, chere. I want my man," Remy declined.

"I'm Phoenix. I don't give up that easily," Jean promised and ran after him.

"Wait a moment…. don't I love Raven?" Magneto asked in between kisses with Xavier.

"Nope," Xavier denied and telepathically enhanced the certainty in his words.

"Oh, all right then," Magneto said and continued to kiss him.

"What the fuck is going on here?! Has everyone gone insane?" Scott demanded to know and still tried to escape Raven, Remy, Bobby, Toad and Jubilee.

"I love you."  
"No, he loves me."

"I love him."  
"No, he doesn't. He loves me."  
"He's mine."

Several yelled at once.

"I'm getting a headache," Scott moaned. Okay, okay. Think rationally. Suddenly Toad's tongue got a hold of his leg and only in the last minute did he succeed in getting it off him.

"Screw rational. I'm out of here!" Scott blasted a whole in the kitchen wall and ran out into the garden and away from the house, closely following by several mutants who wanted his…. more private parts for their very own.

"Help!" Scott screamed and woke with a start.

"Scott. What's the matter, love? A bad dream?" Jean asked kindly as she turned on her night lamp.

"Jean! You're here. With me!" Scott said happily and hugged and kissed her.

"Of course. Where else should I be?" she asked confused.

"Chasing Remy who were chasing me who…" Jean gave him a strange look. "Eg, never mind. Let's just go back to sleep."

"Alright. Goodnight, love," Jean said and kissed him on the lips before she turned off the light.

"'Night, lov'," Scott answered and turned around and tried to fall asleep again. It was just a dream. It had all been a dream. Suddenly something occurred to him.

"Jean?"

"Yes?" she mumbled sleepily.

"Where is Xavier?"  
"With Magneto of course. Why?"

"And you are my…"  
"Mistress. I'm Xavier's wife."  
"And Ororo is…"  
"Married to Victor."

"Remy?"

"Having a threesome with John and Bobby."

"Raven?"

"Your wife of course."

"And Kitty?"  
"Married to Peter."  
"Thank God *something* is as it should be," Scott said relived.

"She's carrying John's baby," Jean informed him.

"And John is…"

"Married to Cecilia."

"And Bobby…"  
"Married to Remy."

"God, what have I ever done to deserve this?!" Scott mumbled pained. This *had* to be an alternative universe. Right….right?  
"What was that?" Jean asked.

"Nothing. So…. where does Logan and Rogue fit in?"

And from Scott's drawer came evil laugher as several peeps looked on.

The End


End file.
